I have been observing the recent cycles of my own state.
Every so often—sometimes two weeks, sometimes a month—I slip into a period of decline, losing interest in everything. It is not a sudden collapse but a gradual “powering down.” My mental state drops bit by bit until it falls below 20%.
Then, I start having strange dreams. For instance, yesterday I dreamed I was on a bus-boat. In the dream, all the city streets had turned into rivers, and buses had become boats. I sat at the bow, weaving through narrow alleyways (if anyone knows how to interpret dreams, please advise).
After that, getting out of bed becomes especially difficult. Most of the time, only my bladder can force me to “boot up.” Once awake, I mindlessly scroll through short videos. It is not that I find them interesting—I am desperately seeking some fresh stimulation—but no matter how much I scroll, the content remains monotonous. Before I know it, it is lunchtime. I open the food delivery app and swipe through options repeatedly, going back and forth, and unsurprisingly, I end up ordering the same meal I had yesterday.
I do not even want to pick up my packages, and dirty clothes pile up on the sofa...
During this cycle, I feel as though I have been unplugged, sinking into a kind of mental shock. I cannot muster energy for anything, cannot bring myself to do anything, and can only passively endure, waiting to return to my normal state cycle.
