I have always thought that gaining weight is a very sad thing. However, once one reaches middle age, for a period of time, one indulges in all kinds of stress-relieving overeating and drinking every day, with a few ounces of white wine and a few bottles of beer. If this continues for a long time, coupled with frequent staying up late, the inevitable consequence is the increasing weight.

Recently, I weighed myself and found that my weight had also reached a record high. I felt like I was about to be sent to market. When I touched the flesh on my body, I felt that only my belly was getting bigger. I remember when I was at school, I could do dozens of pull-ups and push-ups with ease. 1,500 meters is also a piece of cake. But now with this weight, I can't even do five push-ups. My arms are weak. It's really too sad.

Lose weight! I don't want to be a fat person. (Starting from the NTH time).

I began to prepare all kinds of equipment. Fitness wristbands, skipping ropes, yoga MATS, fitness gloves, clothes and shoes... I began to pin my hopes on them. Old problems are indeed hard to change. Form always takes precedence over content. When doing anything, the outcome is secondary; the "posture" must be right.

Looking forward to good news in a few months. I hope I can hold on a little longer this time.

Children's thoughts might be the simplest and most straightforward, so sometimes they sound particularly interesting. For instance, when he is dissatisfied with me, he would say, "You are a clumsy dad." Hahaha, I still quite like this title, although I have no idea why he uses the word "clumsy".

My earliest memory was when I was four years old. Perhaps life before the age of eight is still vague, so through Xiaoshu, one can see what I was like when I was young.

When communicating with Xiaoshu, I used to lack experience and always thought in my adult way. The animations and toys he likes seem too childish to me. I tried hard to recommend excellent animated films, but it seems that he wasn't very interested. Maybe what I think is excellent is just my opinion.
When I was a child, I felt that my parents couldn't understand me. Now put yourself in the children's shoes and think about it. It seems that it's really the adults who don't understand the children or lack patience. Little Tree will eventually grow up one day. He has his own interests and hobbies, his own classmates and friends, his own ideals, and many things to go through.

I hope that before all these come, I can always be the "clumsy father" in his childhood memories.

When it comes to the most memorable childhood memories, it should be the sugar-coated haws on a stick.

Every winter, I would look forward to the old man selling sugar-coated haws at the entrance of the alley showing up soon. In my memory, he always wore a black cotton-padded jacket, with white armbands on his arms and a huge military green cotton glove on his hands, which complemented the red sugar-coated haws, making him look particularly cool. On the back seat of that old 28 bicycle, there was always a tall pole tied, seemingly made of wheat stalks, with sugar-coated haws inserted all over it.

The sugar-coated haws he made were particularly delicious. The hawthorns were large in size and the seeds inside were hollowed out, making them crispy when bitten into. Even before taking a bite, holding it in hand and imagining the sweetness of the sugar and the sourness of the hawthorn combined together makes one very happy. At that time, I always felt that happiness was like the taste of sugar-coated haws, very sweet.

Then, for a few years he showed up every now and then, but later it seemed that he never came again. But those scenes often come to my mind many years later.

I never stop moving forward, yet I'm always a step behind.

We always use habitual thinking to perceive and view the people and things around us, replacing rational thinking with immediate emotions. Both sides express and convey their feelings in their usual way, but ignore whether the other party truly accepts this way.

It seems that children find it hard to grow up to be what their parents expect, and parents also fail to meet the perfect standards in their children's minds. The emptiness in this process is filled with all kinds of misunderstandings and misinterpretations, as well as the trivialities of life. In the end, the closest people gradually went their separate ways. By the time they woke up and finally reconciled, they were no longer there.

It seems that apart from life and death, everything else is trivial. That's true, but who isn't in a hurry when encountering trivial matters other than life and death? I always feel that if this matter doesn't work out, life will be much dimmer. The matters at hand are the real big deal. Life and death are still far away. There's no time to think.

Isn't life just like this? There's no perfection, no invariance. We seek joy in tough times and keep moving forward amid constant gains and losses.

In recent years, a term has become popular: "involution".

It's just that efforts and sacrifices are not proportional. Every day, we are busy but still can't find a solution. The frog boiled in warm water is gradually worn out.

After humans entered the industrialization stage, the division of labor became increasingly detailed. Take the Internet industry as an example. Every link, from products, business, development, design to promotion, is very meticulous and professional. During the period of rapid development, they drive and promote each other. After the period of rapid development, it is very easy to enter a long-term state of self-repetition and stagnation, consuming each other.

The same is true for individuals. The efforts made in the early years have enabled them to grow rapidly. The work experience accumulated over the following decade or so can be an advantage, but it could also be a risk. Once you enter a state of relying on your past achievements, you should be vigilant, as the trend of internal competition may have already begun.

How can it be solved? It seems that this might be inevitable. The only way is to detect and treat it early. One needs to step out of their comfort zone or enter a completely new field at the right time. This requires courage and comes with great risks. But if one doesn't do so, they will enter a state of self-consumption, and in the end, it might be too late to change.

Time flies. In the blink of an eye, it's 2021. .

From studying to working, I have been constantly moving forward over the years. When I was young, I wanted to see the world and go to big cities. Then I kept changing jobs, and each time it was a seamless transition. A stable job has been what I have been pursuing for the past few years, almost taking up most of my time and I never get tired of it.

It was not until the year before last that the pandemic brought life to a sudden halt. I start to think about the plans for the rest of my life and also recall the little things I have experienced, the people I have met and the events I have encountered over the years.

Always wandering outside, fighting every day. Just like watching a movie, seeing my own life from someone else's perspective, I will also think at some point about how I made the choices back then and whether they were correct. And now it seems that if I could do it all over again, perhaps the choices I would make would still be the same, because that stubborn and obstinant person deep down has always followed me... ..

Life is full of ups and downs. There are as many highlights as there are twists and turns. Don't rush to move forward. Occasionally stop to rest and think. It's also another kind of gain for yourself, isn't it?

Young boys usually have a heart of a "chivalrous hero", practicing justice and traveling the world with a sword in hand.

So what is the heart of a chivalrous hero? In Jin Yong's martial arts novels, there are many chivalrous heroes. Generally speaking, they have high moral character, act with their own principles, attach great importance to dignity, are honest and keep their promises. This is actually also the code of conduct that our ancestors left to future generations.

However, in this profit-driven era, dignity is basically equivalent to your economic strength. When doing things, one doesn't focus on the process but only on the outcome. It doesn't matter what means are used. The standard for measuring a person can be directly quantified to how many houses you own, how many cars you have, and how much savings you have. When ideals are lacking, everyone is only concerned about money. It seems that morality and chivalry are no longer respected, but have become a state where "no one cares about a hero's grave, but the family affairs of an actor are known to the world..."

Compared to individuals, I always feel that I should hold onto this chivalrous spirit. Although in real life we sometimes need to hide and sometimes are regarded as outcasts, we should still respect them. When it comes to major issues of right and wrong, we can listen to the voice in our hearts. Perhaps many things will become simpler

In February 2021, Xiami Music shut down. Despite being backed by Alibaba, this idealistic music platform, which was driven by capital, struggled several times and eventually collapsed. Another sentimental music APP, Douban FM, was also on the verge of collapse.

From Xiami to douban to same, these niche apps have all developed well in the early stage. But when they reach a certain scale, they have to face a choice. After swallowing the "capital" Viagra, they may feel happy for a while, but in the end, they will only be drained dry.   
             
There is hardly any place for idealism in the domestic Internet. Although Lao Ma advocated "idealism" within Alibaba, it was clearly an interpretation of another kind of belief. Capital is the essence of the Internet industry. Powerful and greedy.

Despite this, I still believe or hope that truly independent and niche Internet products can emerge. I hope that China's Internet or business environment can accommodate some independent apps, allowing these young seedlings to grow into independent brands that are not driven by capital for profit.

Someone has to do something sentimental. Besides money, there can also be beauty.

Recently, I often recall some fragments of childhood memories.

It feels like a series of movie scenes, viewing one's childhood from a third-person perspective. It's like a reconstruction of memory, but it's not quite clear whether it's a real memory or an imagined one.

There is a scene that seems like I was sitting on the edge of a bungalow (the place in my own yard in the northern countryside where I dry grains in summer, which is relatively high), blowing bubbles with a wheat straw dipped in soapy water.

A clear sky in the picture. There are few clouds and the sunlight is very dazzling. I held my head high, with a wheat stalk in my mouth, and blew slowly. A soap bubble gradually grew larger from one end of the straw, so big that it blocked my view. Through the sunlight, I could see that there were many colors inside the bubble, colorful and constantly changing. It was particularly beautiful and dreamy.

With a cautious shake, the bubble detached from the straw and slowly floated upwards. When the gentle breeze blew, it flew higher and higher, farther and farther, and then gradually disappeared from sight... Disappear into the blue sky.

I have never stopped to think seriously. Although I have a vague feeling that I should think carefully about the road ahead in life, I always feel that I can wait a little longer.

But the events of the past few years and the aftermath of this epidemic have forced me to stop and think carefully. It seems that over the past decade or so, from being young and impetuous to being more composed, I have learned some skills to survive while drifting in society. However, I know that my inherent personality has not changed. The enthusiasm I had for making my way in Beijing in the early 2000s has long been dampened. Although I was reluctant, I gradually accepted it. The passion is fading away, and living feels like a habit. But now reality forces me to seriously consider how to play the second half of my life: to defend or to counterattack? Should we just draw or strive to score another goal? Actually, I don't know either. Maybe I'm just a little scared. Afraid of losing. My mindset has been constantly rising and collapsing over the past year, in a cycle.

It was only recently when I heard a sentence that I felt relieved.
Question: What should I do if I'm defeated by life?
Answer: Then just lie down and have a good rest. Tell life that you can be defeated, but before you are defeated, please keep working hard... .